Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Bare Tree

Today is Valentine's Day & yesterday was Ash Wednesday, which might play into the theme of today's blog post. It also might have nothing to do with it. That is not really up to me to decide.

During the McCormick Ash Wednesday worship service yesterday, I had an interesting thought/insight/realization. During the service, I spent most of my time looking out the window. I was listening to the sermon & songs, but a lot of my attention was spent looking at a tree outside. It might be a strange thing to write, but I feel like this tree.

This tree might not seem special in any way. But today this tree struck me as special, because I saw myself in this tree. By looking at the tree, you wouldn't assume that anything is wrong with it. It's just winter, so there aren't any leaves. There's nothing wrong with this tree- the branches are sturdy. The tree is healthy and I'm sure it's roots run deep. And yet, it is bare.

That's how I feel lately. People ask me how I'm doing and I don't have anything to say. Yes, I am busy with classes and work. But so is everyone else. I feel just like that tree. I'm still there. I am still me. The main parts of me are there and nothing is wrong or broken. But I feel bare. Like I don't have any leaves. That there is nothing about me right now that distinguishes me from the bare tree next to me. I don't feel empty; I don't feel full. I am not sad and I'm not overly cheerful. I am not without work nor am I too busy to take breaks. I'm in a nebulous half existence.

I am waiting for Spring. But when will this season end? When will my leaves come back?

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